I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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