My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
