The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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