we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
