I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
