When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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