i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Randomize
