i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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