yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
