how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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