I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Randomize
