I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
