In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
