The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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