i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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