My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
