I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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