is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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