Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
