i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
