I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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