I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Randomize
