Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Randomize
