i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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