party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Randomize
