The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
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