your room smells of hookers.
And success
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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