I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
