What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
