The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
