Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
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