The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
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