PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I miss vodka workout Fridays
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
