so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
