so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Omg I joined a choir last night...
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
