Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
