I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
