im six kinds of drunk right now
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
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