dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
