I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
