i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
