You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Best friends brother. Beat that.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
