Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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