I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
