she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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