If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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