I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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