OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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