It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
