Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
