i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Randomize
