this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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