No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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